Why don't you have children? -a rant

Look here…

I’m 27 years old. I’m single. I do not have kids.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want any, that just means right now is not the time. How could it be “the time”? I’m also a non-traditional pre-med student studying for the MCAT and finishing pre-requisites.

Now…is not…the time.

And while I very much love my very smart and funny nephew and niece, and the one that’s on the way that I don’t know the gender yet, I don’t think that is enough for me to have one or two of my own right now.

Earlier on in the summer, a young man asked me, “Mel, how old are you?”

and I said (at the time) “26”. He then asked, “well, when are you trying to have kids?”

I told him not right now. Because now is not the time. Another young man asked me yesterday if I had children and I said no and then he asked me “why not?”

Why don’t I, at 27 years old, have children? 

Well…

Why do I have to have a reason for not having any children at 27 years old? Don’t you know what it takes to have children? I’m not talking about sex and being pregnant for 9 months. I’m talking about life after the baby takes that first breath. 

Let’s turn the tables and ask you, at whatever age you are…? Why DO you have kids?

His response was that life happened and blah blah blah..

Okay, so “life” hasn’t happened to me yet. That’s it. Or “MY life” is happening and I have something that is more pressing for me to do right now than have a baby…

I want to become a DOCTOR. If I end up doing something else, whatever it is, I want to be successful in MY eyes and right now that does not include having a child.

ouch.

And while I have the time, while I don’t have anyone dependent on me, why not work to accomplish that? That is my baby. My education, my career goals…those are my babies. They are taxing, they require all of my strength, my courage, my will, my emotions, my beloved sleep, my sanity. My time. They will take some years to grow and become what I dreamed them to be. How about asking me that? What do I want to do with my life aside from have children? 

Very few men ask women my age that kind of question. Or maybe it’s…very few men ask me that kind of question…just so that I’m speaking for myself here.

And to all the mothers out there who accomplished their goals and took care of their children at the end of the day, you have all the applause from me. I can’t fathom doing it, I don’t know how you all did it and I suppose I’d figure out a way if it came down to it, but since that is not my case, then…*Kanye shrug*

I’m 27 years old. I’m single. I do not have kids.

Sure I’d like to have children of my own someday. But that is all my decision as far as when for the most part. There’s so much else I could say but this is a rant and I wrote everything as it came to mind so that it could be in its purest form…so that my sentiments could be felt. There’s nothing wrong with having children, everyone. But I shouldn’t have to justify why I don’t have any right now. 

Five months...

I have been thinking…

Not about just one thing, but a lot of thoughts have crossed my mind; some I labored over and others I sent away because they weighed too heavily on me, or they just were not important and could be dealt with another day. But five months is a long time to be thinking of things, at least, that is how long it’s been since I last posted anything on my own blog. I have had two guest blog entries for the Daily Medicine, and thank you Ashley Roxanne for having me and keeping in touch all the time.

I have been thinking a lot about my life and why things worked the way they did and why things didn’t work the way I wanted them to. Anyone who has a goal to pursue would do this, in my opinion, and if you aren’t then I don’t believe you’re going about your intended success the right way. I’m not saying you should labor over the things you did wrong, because you may never move forward and that’s a bad thing. But understanding what you did wrong and trying to learn from that, that is how we should strive to live, learn, progress…

One thing I can’t help but thinking of is how I haven’t been able to finish anything in the past three years. When I say anything, I mean anything truly important to me such as school, reading, writing, working out…things that I set goals with every intention to finish, but fell short in some way shape or form. I’m 25 and struggling to complete the first half of my new endeavors; what’s old will be talked about some other time…for fear of “laboring over the things I did wrong and not moving forward”. But yesterday, July 3^rd, 2016, I finally finished something…a book! Now, to be honest, I’ve finished [reading] four other ones this year alone, but none of them had the impact that I feel now that I’ve finished this particular one. I wanted to read “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi and when it finally reached me through the library system, I picked it up and pushed to finish. It was not a hard read at all, Kalanithi’s words kept me going and I admired everything. I think it is because Kalanithi reached a point in his life that I am struggling to reach: to become a doctor. I admire all doctors, especially the ones I know personally in life. I appreciate everything they have to say. The road isn’t easy and there are plenty of bumps along the way, I for one can tell you that and have YET to reach the end of the road.

However disappointed I may be in myself a lot of times, Kalanithi mentioned something that I (and you as well) should remember: “You can’t ever reach perfection, but you can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.” For those who don’t remember asymptotes from math class…your line never reaches a definite distance, you just keep getting closer and closer, but never actually touch it.

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION.

This is true, because while some of us think that we’ve succeeded in life, or think that we are “perfectionists”, there will always be something for you to work on to get better at. You may be perfect at solving math problems, but your attitude sucks. You may be someone who cleans their house very well, but can’t fathom to hold a decent conversation with someone you just met. There are many examples we could come up with, but the point is: there is something you need to work on in your life. I’m fully aware of my shortcomings and I have constant reminders, especially when I slack off the slightest bit. But I’m trying, I really am. I’m determined to beat my shortcomings…or die trying.