I have been thinking…
Not about just one thing, but a lot of thoughts have crossed
my mind; some I labored over and others I sent away because they weighed too
heavily on me, or they just were not important and could be dealt with another
day. But five months is a long time to be thinking of things, at least, that is
how long it’s been since I last posted anything on my own blog. I have had two
guest blog entries for the Daily Medicine, and thank you Ashley Roxanne for
having me and keeping in touch all the time.
I have been thinking a lot about my life and why things
worked the way they did and why things didn’t
work the way I wanted them to. Anyone who has a goal to pursue would do this,
in my opinion, and if you aren’t then I don’t believe you’re going about your
intended success the right way. I’m not saying you should labor over the things
you did wrong, because you may never move forward and that’s a bad thing. But understanding
what you did wrong and trying to learn from that, that is how we should strive to live, learn, progress…
One thing I can’t help but thinking of is how I haven’t been
able to finish anything in the past three years. When I say anything, I mean
anything truly important to me such as school, reading, writing, working out…things
that I set goals with every intention to finish, but fell short in some way
shape or form. I’m 25 and struggling to complete the first half of my new
endeavors; what’s old will be talked about some other time…for fear of “laboring
over the things I did wrong and not moving forward”. But yesterday, July 3rd,
2016, I finally finished something…a book! Now, to be honest, I’ve finished [reading] four other ones this year alone, but none of them had the impact that I feel
now that I’ve finished this particular one. I wanted to read “When Breath
Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi and when it finally reached me through the
library system, I picked it up and pushed to finish. It was not a hard read at
all, Kalanithi’s words kept me going and I admired everything. I think it is
because Kalanithi reached a point in his life that I am struggling to reach: to
become a doctor. I admire all doctors, especially the ones I know personally in
life. I appreciate everything they have to say. The road isn’t easy and there are plenty of bumps along the way, I for
one can tell you that and have YET to reach the end of the road.
However disappointed I may be in myself a lot of times,
Kalanithi mentioned something that I (and you as well) should remember: “You can’t ever reach perfection, but you
can believe in an asymptote toward which you are ceaselessly striving.” For
those who don’t remember asymptotes from math class…your line never reaches a definite distance, you just keep getting closer and closer, but never actually touch it.
PROGRESS, NOT
PERFECTION.
This is true, because while some of us think that we’ve
succeeded in life, or think that we are “perfectionists”, there will always be
something for you to work on to get better at. You may be perfect at solving
math problems, but your attitude sucks. You may be someone who cleans their
house very well, but can’t fathom to hold a decent conversation with someone you just
met. There are many examples we could come up with, but the point is: there is
something you need to work on in your life. I’m fully aware of my shortcomings
and I have constant reminders, especially when I slack off the slightest bit.
But I’m trying, I really am. I’m determined to beat my shortcomings…or die
trying.
