Why don't you have children? -a rant

Look here…

I’m 27 years old. I’m single. I do not have kids.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want any, that just means right now is not the time. How could it be “the time”? I’m also a non-traditional pre-med student studying for the MCAT and finishing pre-requisites.

Now…is not…the time.

And while I very much love my very smart and funny nephew and niece, and the one that’s on the way that I don’t know the gender yet, I don’t think that is enough for me to have one or two of my own right now.

Earlier on in the summer, a young man asked me, “Mel, how old are you?”

and I said (at the time) “26”. He then asked, “well, when are you trying to have kids?”

I told him not right now. Because now is not the time. Another young man asked me yesterday if I had children and I said no and then he asked me “why not?”

Why don’t I, at 27 years old, have children? 

Well…

Why do I have to have a reason for not having any children at 27 years old? Don’t you know what it takes to have children? I’m not talking about sex and being pregnant for 9 months. I’m talking about life after the baby takes that first breath. 

Let’s turn the tables and ask you, at whatever age you are…? Why DO you have kids?

His response was that life happened and blah blah blah..

Okay, so “life” hasn’t happened to me yet. That’s it. Or “MY life” is happening and I have something that is more pressing for me to do right now than have a baby…

I want to become a DOCTOR. If I end up doing something else, whatever it is, I want to be successful in MY eyes and right now that does not include having a child.

ouch.

And while I have the time, while I don’t have anyone dependent on me, why not work to accomplish that? That is my baby. My education, my career goals…those are my babies. They are taxing, they require all of my strength, my courage, my will, my emotions, my beloved sleep, my sanity. My time. They will take some years to grow and become what I dreamed them to be. How about asking me that? What do I want to do with my life aside from have children? 

Very few men ask women my age that kind of question. Or maybe it’s…very few men ask me that kind of question…just so that I’m speaking for myself here.

And to all the mothers out there who accomplished their goals and took care of their children at the end of the day, you have all the applause from me. I can’t fathom doing it, I don’t know how you all did it and I suppose I’d figure out a way if it came down to it, but since that is not my case, then…*Kanye shrug*

I’m 27 years old. I’m single. I do not have kids.

Sure I’d like to have children of my own someday. But that is all my decision as far as when for the most part. There’s so much else I could say but this is a rant and I wrote everything as it came to mind so that it could be in its purest form…so that my sentiments could be felt. There’s nothing wrong with having children, everyone. But I shouldn’t have to justify why I don’t have any right now. 

*blows dust*...

...*coughs*

This is becoming a trend and I'm sorry.

I post a new blog entry and then months pass before the next one comes.

The beginning of this year just wasn’t the time for blogging. Neither was the end of the last.

I’ll tell you why…

Instead of experiencing “life” and finding cool adult things to blog about as I was doing before, I was developing heavy anxiety and slight depression. School and work were no longer working out together. NOTHING was working out. I became a nervous wreck. I was so bent on being superwoman and making everything work that I couldn’t think straight. I cried often. I told my guy that I couldn’t see him because I was crying all the time. Why?

I didn’t want him to see me crying all day. I didn’t want anyone to see me crying, period.

Who wants to read sad blog posts? I couldn’t give that kind of material to those who actually read this thing. I debated it though…I wanted to document my feelings. I thought maybe if I shared what I was experiencing I’d reach somebody somewhere out there and…

I didn’t write a damn thing.

I couldn't write anything. Not much really. And then I'd see everything on paper and not want to see it anymore so I deleted them. My trash can is FULL of unfinished word documents. I was already feeling bad about work and school and then not being able to write like I used to...like this was worse than writer's block.

Late July I started to feel myself again. I had less crying spells. I realized I was significantly thinner than I was at the beginning of the summer. I went to see “him”. I read and finished Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes! and one part stuck out to me...

"If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other."

and then something else stuck out to me...

"...ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THEY ARE DOING IT ALL PERFECTLY IS A LIAR."

Because its true. We can't do it ALL. I can attest to that. I tried, and this time everything failed.

And so I've finally come to terms with that. It stings a little bit here and there but I surely don't cry randomly anymore. I'm much more at ease these days. I learned that because things don't work out, its not the end of the world BUT that doesn't mean you won't feel it. If you do feel it, give yourself enough time to let the feelings pass. They will pass but you have to be patient. I didn't know when that time would come for me but I just celebrated a birthday on the 15th and it was great. I wasn't worried about anything; just spent quality time with friends.

So that concludes it, I guess. I can see my progress and it's encouraging. I plan to keep this blogging thing going too; next, I’ll have to blog about my stay in Seattle.

But until then…that’s all folks!