*blows dust*...

...*coughs*

This is becoming a trend and I'm sorry.

I post a new blog entry and then months pass before the next one comes.

The beginning of this year just wasn’t the time for blogging. Neither was the end of the last.

I’ll tell you why…

Instead of experiencing “life” and finding cool adult things to blog about as I was doing before, I was developing heavy anxiety and slight depression. School and work were no longer working out together. NOTHING was working out. I became a nervous wreck. I was so bent on being superwoman and making everything work that I couldn’t think straight. I cried often. I told my guy that I couldn’t see him because I was crying all the time. Why?

I didn’t want him to see me crying all day. I didn’t want anyone to see me crying, period.

Who wants to read sad blog posts? I couldn’t give that kind of material to those who actually read this thing. I debated it though…I wanted to document my feelings. I thought maybe if I shared what I was experiencing I’d reach somebody somewhere out there and…

I didn’t write a damn thing.

I couldn't write anything. Not much really. And then I'd see everything on paper and not want to see it anymore so I deleted them. My trash can is FULL of unfinished word documents. I was already feeling bad about work and school and then not being able to write like I used to...like this was worse than writer's block.

Late July I started to feel myself again. I had less crying spells. I realized I was significantly thinner than I was at the beginning of the summer. I went to see “him”. I read and finished Shonda Rhimes' Year of Yes! and one part stuck out to me...

"If I am succeeding at one, I am inevitably failing at the other."

and then something else stuck out to me...

"...ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU THEY ARE DOING IT ALL PERFECTLY IS A LIAR."

Because its true. We can't do it ALL. I can attest to that. I tried, and this time everything failed.

And so I've finally come to terms with that. It stings a little bit here and there but I surely don't cry randomly anymore. I'm much more at ease these days. I learned that because things don't work out, its not the end of the world BUT that doesn't mean you won't feel it. If you do feel it, give yourself enough time to let the feelings pass. They will pass but you have to be patient. I didn't know when that time would come for me but I just celebrated a birthday on the 15th and it was great. I wasn't worried about anything; just spent quality time with friends.

So that concludes it, I guess. I can see my progress and it's encouraging. I plan to keep this blogging thing going too; next, I’ll have to blog about my stay in Seattle.

But until then…that’s all folks!